Task Lists & Mental Health in BDSM

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Hello lovelies,

Earlier today my dear friend Penny Berry shared some great techniques which new and seasoned Dominants can incorporate into their D/s dynamics and it got me thinking about my own experiences with task lists. If you haven’t checked out her blog already, please do pay Penny a visit and hit subscribe! She is a fantastic blogger and a wonderful friend to have! Done that? Great, please read on..

Today, I want to share with you why you may want to consider a task list for a submissive with a mental health condition, a little bit of background on me (and why I need task lists sometimes!) and an example of one of the task lists that Wolfie gave me not too long ago. As a Husband/wife pairing with a husband who works in the office and a wife who is at home, much of our tasks are domestic based. With that being said, Wolfie has surprised me plenty of times!

Why Task Lists Are Good For Mental Health

Sometimes, when you’re coping with anxiety, you get so wrapped up in your thoughts that you sort of forget the things that you need to do. If you experience depression like I do sometimes, then maybe you can’t be bothered to do those important things, too. It’s easy to tell someone with a mental health disorder that they should just snap out of it, but if you’re deep in the mist of anxiety or depression then it’s a lot easier said than done.

Any submissive, slave, pet or little loves to please their Dominant. It doesn’t matter what role you fill – the principle is the same, you crave to please your Dominant! By having a task list, the submissive is no longer required to think of the things that they need to do – instead, they can focus on meeting the wants and needs of their Dominant.

A disclaimer here, because it’s all too easy for codependency to creep in and for the submissive to become reliant on the Dominant to plan out his or her day, instead of seeking professional help for an ongoing mental health condition.

If you believe that a mental health disorder is part of the reason for your submissive depending on your guidance, it is vitally important that you incorporate some form of mental health self care into their day, to help them get back to taking care of themselves for the betterment of the dynamic in the long-term. Whether it’s a form of therapy, medication or attending medical appointments, please understand that BDSM should never be a substitute to proper self-care and your submissive needs to be accountable for managing their own health. It is fine to supervise, support them and encourage their recovery, but please never treat your dynamic as an alternative solution instead of medication or therapy.

A Little On Me

At my prime, I’m classically type-A, I’m the go-getter. Unfortunately, perhaps because of my empathic nature, I’m also predisposed to anxiety and depression. Combine my many sides, and quite often what you’re left with is a woman who is so focused on completing her other goals that she forgets to look after herself, or a woman who is so anxious or depressed (usually over a thought or something she read in the news) that she fails to get anything done. During these times, having a task list is invaluable.

Although I’m currently self-sufficient (using a rota I wrote for myself), Wolfie is still very much involved in my everyday life. He asks me if I’ve eaten lunch, he asks me if I’ve taken the dog for a walk and he tells me when I need to stop. If I get myself too worked up over something I saw or read in the news, he also sends me to go and do some therapy homework! Although I manage my own time now, I still run our home with the intention of pleasing him πŸ™‚

Task Lists – A Template

The below task list is an example of the kind of thing that would be sent to me every morning via Google Docs. Of course, it’s not a template that you need to use for yourself (and you may decide to use a different, more secure platform πŸ˜‰ ) , but nonetheless, I hope that it inspires your creative juices πŸ™‚

Task list 12/11

Morning Kitten, please see your tasks for the day below. Please aim to complete all tasks by the end of the day. If you have any questions please let me know.

  • Make the bed
  • Tidy around bedroom 
  • Take supplements 
  • Exercise Hugo
  • Wash up
  • 30 mins exercise
  • Light therapy
  • Have lunch
  • Nap time (if needed)
  • Personal time (if needed)

Completed not listed

  • Wrap a tonne of presents
  • Journal

Of course, you can change your tasks up however you choose and add or change things to suit your dynamic. Make your lists as exciting or kinky as you want to – it’s YOUR dynamic! Some other ideas that have been included in the past include –

  • Going out for tea or coffee – I love quiet reflective time in a coffee shop!
  • Baking a cake
  • Working on some Christmas crafts
  • Picking an outfit for an outing (or trying it on, if I’ve already decided)
  • Taking myself swimming
  • Having some personal time, and then writing (in detail!) what the fantasy was – I cannot even begin to tell you how humiliating I found that!

Make sure that whatever you decide, your submissive has sufficient time to complete the tasks and they are comfortable with completing them. Check in regularly and ensure that they suit your partner as your submissive and lover. As my husband’s wife, I love taking care of our home – but your submissive might not be so keen on buying your groceries or mopping your floors. Negotiate and find a way to incorporate ideas that please you, ideas that please them and ideas that help them, as a person. Decide if they will be an ongoing thing, or only if and when your partner needs and wants your direct input.

Oh, and if you think that Wolfies doesn’t seem very fun? Relax, here’s proof that I married an idiot πŸ˜€

Task list 09/09

Below is the daily task list in expect you to complete today.  They can be completed in any order of your choosing but I expect them to be completed.  If you have questions about a tsk or you expectations please contact me. 

No task list…. It’s your birthday!!! 

πŸŽ‰πŸΎπŸΈπŸŽ‰

Hugs & kinky cuddles,

Helen xx

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