Overcoming Amaxophobia with BDSM

Photo by Alin Olariu on Pexels.com

I have a little secret that I need to share with you – I am, quite possibly, one of the world’s worst passengers.

I’m not a backseat driver, but I react to roads in a way that’s likely to unsettle even the most confident driver. Let me take you back to an incident about 5 years ago.

My best friend of thirteen years, C, and I decided to go shopping. It was a normal Saturday shopping trip that should have taken us no more than a few hours. The trip is simple, fifteen minutes on the bus, shop, and come home again, easy peasy. As the bus took a three-quarter turn around the roundabout, though, my mood rapidly changed;

“God, get me off this fucking bus now!” I spat between gritted teeth. It was a disturbing reaction, a violent reaction and one that left my friend visibly gobsmacked. I tried to duck into my seat, overwhelmed by the way I was feeling at what, 25mph?

The most embarrassing thing about these attacks, is that within seconds of them happening, I’m absolutely fine to proceed. It’s like the devil is exorcised from me for thirty seconds, and then I’m completely chill again. It’d be hilarious, if it wasn’t so distressing for them and me.

On another occasion, I was working at a health centre. On the way home, I got a small one-an-hour bus service so that I could get from outside my work to pretty much outside my front door (I know, so lazy). Little did I know that one of the roads this bus took was incredibly bumpy and full of potholes. As we bounced down the road, I clung on and made a series of involutary groans and grunts.

“Are you alright, love? I thought you were gonna faint!” it was the sweet little old lady who had been sat opposite me.

I’ve scared commuters on the train with it, I’ve terrified taxi drivers with it, I remember all too well the time I got in a taxi in the town centre and I started groaning and grimacing almost as soon as the doors were closed.

“We aren’t even moving yet” Wolfie said softly.

“I know, I’m just warming up for when we do” I replied dryly.

One of the worst things for me, now that I’ve moved away from home and now that I’m not taking car trips nearly as often, is that I get to get into my own head. I get to worry about it, I get to pre-empt the situation and sensation which, to be honest with you, doesn’t do me any favours.

“Sis, learn to drive, You won’t get it if you’re in control” my brother said as my mind raced after another episode. I hated to admit it, but he was probably right. It all stems in control, it all stems from a need to be in control, something which.. to be honest, I’m kind of known for.

I hated the idea of learning to drive. The idea of being in control of a “two tonne killing machine” was daunting. What if I did have an episode? What if I got stuck on the motorway and the feeling struck? There was no way that the DVLA would pass me off as fit to drive iff my anxiety gave me trouble with focusing. Absolutely zero chance!

But I learned most recently that it has a name: Amaxophobia – the fear of being a passenger.

So when my mother asked if we were joining her and my brother for this year’s family vacation, I broke out in a cold sweat. I had a really bad reaction to the A30 last year, and I was still getting over the shame of it.

“We can’t just stay home, love” Wolfie said softly. I looked at him, why the hell not? Home doesn’t move, home is stationary. But he was right, we can’t.

Every time the tears stopped. they started again. I was afraid, afraid of the roads, afraid of boats, trains and planes. I needed to be in control, at all times and whatever it takes.

“What about if I learn to drive?” he said softly. My breath caught and I looked at him. Fear was replaced by something else, a kind of carnal desire, a need. Of course, it made sense – I trusted Wolfie!

Having Wolfie drive may not be the ultimate antidote, and yet, just having a driver that I knew and trusted would help me to regain my road confidence again. I knew ultimately what I needed to do.

There was so much about that movie that was wrong, and yet, bits of it made sense.

Most of your fear is in your head.

Christian Grey, Fifty Shades Of Grey

That was, admittedly, one of the movies more… intense moments. Forget the blindfolds and the whips and gags and orgasms.. that kind of straight talking logic is oh so heady.

My dear friend Penny (who I’m still quietly growling and snarling at 😉 ) beat my to the post when she said that BDSM relationships are not all kinky. Wolfie is probably the only person that fearful me will listen to. and I mean really listen to. Anyone can say a few reassuring words to me, but he, my husband, my love and my oh so devilishly delicious Dominant, he is the only one who can make me believe it.

4 thoughts on “Overcoming Amaxophobia with BDSM

  1. Oh my. I have that, too. I just thought it was my fear of cars. But honestly, I think it really may just be a fear of cars. And trucks. Busses I’m not afraid of, however, if I’m on them. And neither am I of trains. They’re more predictable is probably why. Stop here. Take this route. Steady speeds. Walking is an option. I can see the front and the sides, thanks to the many bus windows. Busses don’t tend to cut in front of others, get road range, or have an opinion They’re known for following certain directions only and being controlled by not only a driver but a ton of other factors that compel that driver. They prefer safety for their passengers and will not trade it in for speed. And if anything happens, accident-wise, damages will be paid, and I will be taken care of by the city, or if I am in an Uber (used to suck for me, but I’m way used to it now), I think they would be responsible for what happens and nothing I generally fear is out of my control/out of whack. But damn, that’s what it is called. Wow. Glad I’m not weird for having it. I also have a fear of bikes – being on or near them, especially next to traffic. Wow – I’m not weird!

    Thanks for sharing your experience. I will generally never drive because I can’t be in control of a car as much as I would want control over it. Driving is a reactive and proactive art, and cities are the worst site for scary interactive driving complications. If I ever learn to drive, it will be when I don’t live in a city. Or…when Uber becomes extinct.

    Being out of control is so scary. You hit it on the nail. Trusted drivers help. But the moment i became scared of my mother driving me, as a kid…I wondered if I would never trust a driver, again. Surprisingly though, parents don’t always come with a “safest and most comforting driver certified” stamp 🙂 So I’ve learned to be openminded to different drivers, and even my mom sometimes because she’s seasoned, and different driving styles…even the faster, split-second-decision ones. It all depends on what most objectively will constitute an alright ride, rather than my subjectivity/fears, I’ve learned. So many things in life are scary. When it happens to be something you are against often…it takes a lot to…get past the fear in a proactive way. Kudos for your starting your journey.

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    1. Thankyou! Of everything I’ve read, it’s actually quite common but I don’t know that everyone reacts so aggressively. I think some people feel uneasy, and some of us (hello, hi!) Can be somewhat more.. dramatic about it 😊

      I’ll have to share my anthophobia story at some point too. That one is always a good giggle, even if I’m still terrified of about 60% of the global flower species 😂

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